Monday, February 20, 2012

Lessons my Mother Taught Me

My mother taught me to appreciate a job well done – “If you are going to kill each other, do it outside.  I just finished cleaning”.
My mother taught me religion – “You better pray that it will come out of the carpet”.
My mother taught me about time travel – “If you don’t straighten up, I’ll knock you into the middle of next week”.
My mother taught me logic – “Because I said so, that’s why”.
My mother taught me foresight – “Be sure to wear clean underwear in case you are in an accident”.
My mother taught me irony – “If you don’t stop crying, I’ll give you something to cry about”.
My mother taught me the science of osmosis – “Shut your mouth and eat your supper”.
My mother taught me about contortionism – “Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck”.
My mother taught me about stamina – “You will sit there until all your spinach is finished”.
My mother taught me about the weather – “Your room looks like a tornado went through it”.
My mother taught me how to solve physics problems – “If I yelled because the house was on fire, would you hear me then”?
My mother taught me about hypocrisy – “If I told you once, I told you a million times: Don’t exaggerate”.
My mother taught me the circle of life – “I brought you into this world and I can take you out”.
My mother taught me about behaviour modification – “Stop acting like your father”.
My mother taught me about envy – “There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do”.

6 comments:

  1. i think that is all in "The Mother's Handbook".

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  2. Mothers are such interesting creatures.

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  3. Nearly all of those are very, very familiar. And that's no exaggeration. ;)

    B.F., I looked last night and saw when you tried to visit Oh!pinion again. I also saw that my attempt to let you in only opened the way for Google/Blogger. I got the IP wrong (sigh). The right IP is at Ukraine Telecom, where an IP off by one number has a spamming rap sheet as long as your arm. OK, so it's off by one. Last night I plugged in the IP I believe you're actually on. So far no spam. Please visit again and see if you can get on.

    And again, my apologies for the hassle.

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    1. Not letting me on this morning, still
      .
      Don't apologize. I understand about spam from the FSU. Many if not most of the O/S are pirated and so not updated with security features so I am guessing lots of robot computers out there. I use Kaspersky AV software as I figure the Russians write the stuff so they ought to know how to stop it too.

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    2. Ugh. I'll remove the one that's off by one and see if that lets you in. BTW, I went back and checked the status of that IP. Now it's only on one spam tracker list, down from several.

      If taking that IP out of htaccess doesn't work, Akismet, Wordpress' own spam defense, must be what's blocking. I can't take an IP out of that one. Akismet is either activated or it's come one, come all.

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  4. Good blog. You might enjoy this little poem about mothers. http://caroleschatter.blogspot.co.nz/2011/12/random-quotation-spot.html

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