Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Wish I'd Said That!

"You will, Oscar, you will". ~ James McNeil Whistler

When the white missionaries came to Africa, they had the Bible and we had the land. They said, 'Let us pray.' We closed our eyes. When we opened them, we had the Bible and they had the land. ~ Desmond Tutu


America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real, but the moon landing was faked. ~ David Letterman

After the game, the King and the pawn go into the same box. ~ Italian proverb

Men are like linoleum floors. Lay 'em right and you can walk all over them for thirty years. ~ Betsy Salkind

The only reason that they say, 'Women and children first' is to test the strength of the lifeboats. ~ Jean Kerr

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. ~ Prince Philip

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. ~ Emo Philips.

Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself. ~ Harrison Ford

The best cure for sea sickness is to sit under a tree. ~ Spike Milligan

Lawyers believe that a man is innocent until proven broke. ~ Robin Hall

Kill one man and you're a murderer, kill a million and you're a conqueror. ~ Jean Rostand.

Having more money doesn't make you happier. I have 50 million dollars but I'm just as happy as when I had 48 million. ~ Arnold Schwarzenegger.

If life were fair, Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead. ~ Johnny Carson

Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is. ~ Jimmy Durante

As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind - every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder. ~ John Glenn

America is so advanced that even the chairs are electric. ~ Doug Hamwell

If God had intended us to fly, he would have made it easier to get to the airport. ~ Jonathan Winters

I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it. ~ Robert Benchley

11 comments:

  1. Humor and art are the only saving graces of the human race.
    the Ol'Buzzard

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  2. These were great - I'm still chuckling!

    My personal favorite: "Political correctness is based on the idea that it is, in fact, possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."

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    1. Calling Blacks, Jews, Muslims, women, mentally or physically challenged, etc "turds" is not cool.

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    2. I'm so sorry, I didn't intend to imply that at all!

      The "turd" reference is actually meant to apply to the actual term "political correctness", not to the subjects. The basic thought is that there are some topics that simply can't be dealt with using polite euphemisms, and that plain talk is necessary and required in order to find solutions.

      Please accept my apology for the misunderstanding. I thought it was an amusing way of expressing a concept, and it never occurred to me that it could be taken in the way you interpreted it. I meant (and mean) no offense to any of the subjects to whom "political correctness" is applied, nor to you or any readers of your blog. I'm very sorry it appeared that way.

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    3. Diane, I didn't mean for it to sound so abrupt; tone does not convey well in print. It was just a reminder to ALL that politically correct language means not using stereotypical words or abusive words as a first step in changing people's attitudes. And I am as guilty as anyone can be of using non-PC language. PC can be over done but not as much as people like to think.

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  3. Well done, BF. Your repertoire is amazing!

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  4. All good ones, and all new ones to me as well!! And Abraham Lincoln: "It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak up and remove all doubt."

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  5. These were a delight. I've been missing you, Fodder. Hope you're well.

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