Paraprosdokian

My brother has posted a marvellous list of paraprosdokians (insert correct plural) on his blog The English Cowpath.  Our sister provided the collection which someone sent her.  Pass them on.  They are too funny.

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation."  "Where there's a will, there’s relatives," is an example.

Late summer gardening report

Tanya is digging again.  Moved flowers last week, dug up her gladiolas today.  Dig, dig, dig.  Getting ready to plant hundreds of little bulbs next week so we will have blooms in spring.  I got some pictures over the past few days.  Late summer flower garden showing the effects of August heat and little rain.

There are these 5' high flowers in several places and there will be twice as many next year

Tanya can grow flowers anywhere.

LAMENT OF THE ARTIFICIALLY INSEMINATED COW

By William L. Jessiman

Though I have just given birth to a heifer,

And of pride and of milk I am full,

It is sad to relate that my lacteal state

Was not brought about by a bull.

I have never been naughty, I swear it,

In spite of the calf I have borne.

By Farmer Brown’s tractor, I’m virga intacta.

I have not had the bull by the horn.

No bull has embraced me with passion;

I’ve not had the ghost of a binge;

I haven’t been loved, but ruthlessly shoved

With aseptic disposable syringe.

How cheerless the farmyard and meadows,

The cowshed seems gloomy and gray,

For the one bit of fun in the dreary year’s run

Has by science been taken away.

I know that farming’s a business

In which we must all pull our weight.

I’d pull and I’d pull for a nicely built bull,

Synthetic arrangements I hate.

It must not be thought that I’m jealous.

There are things a cow should not say.

But the Vets and Ag Reps who deprive us of sex

Still get it the old fashioned way.

New Furnace

Our house is heated by hot water.  Registers under every window and pipes connecting all. Our little furnace (boiler?) in the back room had been giving trouble for the past couple of years, off and on, and finally packed it in late last spring.  Since it also heated the water for the downstairs bathroom and kitchen sink, it was a bit inconvenient but not fatal.

Tanya called our furnace repair man and made an appointment for him to come early this past week and inspect and estimate.  He laughed and wondered why we hadn't waited until there was snow on the ground.  Apparently it isn't just Canadians who do that.  Anyhow, he showed up and said maybe $300 or $400 for repairs and no guarantees.  The furnace was 8 years old anyhow and 10 years is sort of their limit.  We opted for a new furnace.  Installed about $1000.

In some counties, the (qualified and certified) furnace man would get any required permits, install the furnace and it would be inspected.  End of story. A bit more complicated here. As long as we replace the furnace with the same make and (more or less) model, no one cares.  If we want to change ANYTHING, like make or size or type of furnace, the (post-)Soviet gas bureaucracy kicks in. 

We have to go to P'yatikhatki (county seat) with all documents and start the process. They will send someone to take measurements and draw up a blueprint which must be approved by others.  Official looking stamps must be applied at all levels.  Once this is done, our furnace man (who is qualified and certified) can install the furnace which will then be inspected.  Cost is about $100 but time is anywhere up to 6 weeks.

We opted for simple.  Our furnace man went to Krivii Rih on Friday and installed our new Artiston on Saturday.  Our flexible metal stove pipe from the furnace to the chimney wasn't code so another man showed up, took the measurements and will make us a non-flexible set of stove pipes.  Once that is installed, the rep from the furnace shop in Krivii Rih will inspect and fire up our new furnace to make sure all is well and then our guarantee will kick in. 

New furnace sans stove pipe to chimney

Our chimney isn't exactly code either, being the part extending several meters above the brickwork is simply heavy metal stove pipe wrapped in insulation and duct-taped.  I would dearly love to put up a Selkirk chimney if they are available here in Ukraine.  Tanya was looking on the internet and said they are expensive.  Canadian price in Ukraine, no doubt.

Taken Dec 2009 showing the chimney extension and the insulation.  Works but...

What Evil Lurks in the Hearts of Men? The Stanford Prison Experiment

BBC this morning ran an article on the infamous 1971 Stanford Prison Experiment. 

The idea was simple - take a group of volunteers, tell half of them they are prisoners, the other half prison wardens, place them in a makeshift jail and watch what happens.
The Stanford prison experiment was supposed to last two weeks but was ended abruptly just six days later, after a string of mental breakdowns, an outbreak of sadism and a hunger strike.

The lesson learned was that ordinary decent people in different situations can and will react very differently from what they believe to be their ingrained moral values. 

Can the Holocaust happen again?  Yes. Can the mass murders of Stalin, Mao and Pol Pot happen again?  Yes.  Can Abu Ghraib happen again. Yes.  Will the citizens of powerful countries continue to countenance and participate in horrific acts of violence against other countries which appear to "challenge to their authority"?  Yes.

Centuries of civilization, untold hours of religious activities and related social conditioning do not seem to change things that are hard wired into us.  A grim prognostication of our future.

Today's Tanya-ism

"Sometimes I could kill all men."
"Even me?"
"I just go where I can't see you. . . then I miss you and come back."

Did I ever mention I love my wife?

More Tanya-isms

Last night Tanya came to bed about mid-night and commented on the size and brilliance of the moon.  I said it would be so romantic if we could sit on the balcony and admire it. She said "And howl at it like your dogs have been doing all evening".

Monday was Tanya's birthday.  We were having the family for shashlik in early afternoon which Roman was to prepare and BBQ.  Tanya had told him she was going into town in the morning and would pick him up on her way home.  In the morning I could hear Tanya chewing him out about something.  He had called a taxi and was on his way, not waiting for her.  When she got off the phone, she stormed, "Why can't everyone just do what I tell them?  The whole world would be better if people just did what I told them and didn't argue". I am trying not to crack up and said "I am not saying anything".  "GOOD!"

Lena's last day of summer vacation was Monday. Andrei dropped Masha off at our place on his way to work and brought flowers for his mother and gave her a hug.  He came back in the evening for warmed over shashlik and whatever other food Tanya could hunt up.  Andrei is always hungry when he comes here.

Maxim and Ivan came over when they saw Masha was here.  They had some cake and then the three of them took off to play.  School is coming soon.  I could hear them racing around the yard, shrieking with laughter.  They had gone and sat on the hammock which was wet from the rain still and soaked through the seats of their jeans.  There is something wonderful about the sounds of kids' genuine laughter.