Monday, January 12, 2015

Advice to Wedding Planners

Since Fox News refuses to hire me as a terrorism expert (I failed the hiring exam because I could actually point out Birmingham on a map), I have decided to repackage myself as a wedding planner.  I have been to a number of weddings, two of them as one of the guests of honour, so at least know the basics.

This is a good time to start my new business as my cousin's two daughters became engaged to the loves of their lives over the holidays and the entire family is in planning tizzies, according to Facebook.


It amazes me how it can take up to a year to plan a wedding.  Time would be better spent planning the rest of one's lives together.  Weddings, except in novels and movies are not the end, they are the beginning.  Funerals are the end.  I have been to some of them too, fortunately not yet as the guest of honour (though that may change if my cousin gets hold of me after this post).

He brought joy to tens.
I mean, if you can plan a funeral in a week, you should be able to plan a wedding in a week.  Same basic ingredients: church, preacher, flowers, congregation, music, speeches and food and six friends of the guest(s) of honour.

There are some differences of course.  Two guests of honour at a wedding instead of just one.  Also they can usually get in and out of the building on their own steam. There isn't that hot dusty drive to the cemetery but you do have to wait until they get back from the photographers.  Renting a tux is not recommended for the guest of honour at a funeral.

The groom, being irrelevant to the entire planning process, can just relax. A stuffed dummy would do just as well.  So long as you can stand where you are told, nod at appropriate times and produce the ring on demand, you will be fine.

It is also good practice for the rest of your life.



18 comments:

  1. Oh, you men always make it sound as though you are not interested in weddings, but you are. My brother-at age 50-is marrying for the first time. He has more investment in the wedding than his fiancee.
    My sister used to say that many people are more interested in the wedding than the marriage. No question these days with the big expensive weddings, and the television shows that set high expectations and big money "requirements".
    My daughter was married in 2013 and my son in 2014. Very different weddings. The day should be a reflection of the people getting married.
    And those are some beautiful women in your family.

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    1. Confession - the girls' grandfather is my late wife's cousin. I share no credit for their looks. But are they not just the most beautiful trio ever?
      When Ella and I got married I think her folks spent $800 on the total wedding and fed 150 people a sit down meal. Now the bridal gown is expected to cost 10X that amount.

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  2. Beautiful women, but you are right. It should just take a week or so.

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  3. I've heard it said that the more extravagant the wedding, the less likely the wedding is to last. We are taking this to heart ;). Though we are taking a bit more than a week to plan, they will both be done beautifully but frugally :)

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    1. Length of marriage is inverse to cost of wedding. Will oldest have cows as part of decoration? Your sister says everyone is (relatively) pretty laid back about all this. How are husband and son managing?

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  4. No cows.. They bring too much stink and flies so we are having it on the farm we now live on that's just the grain yard. She'd love them in the background. Ken is great and relaxing and Logan's only wish is that they would have planned their weddings on a Tuesday so he wouldn't miss one if his ball games

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    1. Logan, I understand. Two weddings so close together should put him off the whole idea for several more years.

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  5. As a result of this blog, have you had any requests to plan a wedding?

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  6. Planning anything that involves more people than my wife and myself is more than I would like to attempt.
    the Ol'Buzzard

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  7. Wow, sounds like the start of a stellar new career for you! Maybe you should offer funeral planning as a package deal, y'know: plan one, get the second one half-price...?

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  8. I'll be more than happy, upon my passing, that people won't say "What ever happened to...?"

    And here's the thought for the day: We're all here because we're not all there. :-)

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  9. Well, congratulations to your family!

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  10. Thanks, Demeur for the thought of the day and Raven for your good wishes.

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  11. Thanks for these wedding planning tips!! I am getting married and already booked a cool Wedding location in Chicago. Now I need to hire a talented planner that can arrange spectacular wedding for me. Please suggest a domestic wedding planner in Chicago!!

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