Ten Putin Jokes

With thanks to Nina Khrushcheva.

1.  Russia’s biggest HR problem is that Vladimir Putin gives management jobs to his most loyal associates, but then expects them to act with intelligence and competence.

2.   While visiting Crimea recently, Putin threatened Ukraine with a shared Russian future.

3.   Putin finished his dinner, wiped his lips with a crisp linen napkin, and ordered, “Burn the rest.”

4.    I lived during Brezhnev, during Gorbachev and during Yeltsin. Putin is the only leader for whom I have been asked to eat less.

5. The West shouldn’t have worried that Putin would bring back the USSR; at the recent Shanghai Cooperation Organization summit it turned out that he has been rebuilding Genghis Khan’s 12th century empire.

6.  At the business forum in Saint Petersburg Putin called on investors to invest in Russian businesses.

• And how is a Russian business different from a regular business?
• It’s the same reason why Russian roulette and regular roulette are different.

7. The Kremlin warned that if the West further expands the sanctions, it will further increase Putin’s ratings.

8.  When you are Putin, your Russia is flourishing.

9.  The Russian Society of the Blind announced that they see no alternative to Putin.

10. The West—although angry, hypocritical, cunning and hateful of Russia—must have a kind soul; otherwise why would all of our political functionaries and apparatchiks keep their children abroad?

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