Sunday, May 8, 2016

My Next Wife

Sometimes it is nice to have your life all planned out in front of you. . . or not.

Tanya has a cousin, Gertrude*, who lives in Khakasia.  She is a few years younger than Tanya, mother of two lovely daughters and by now possibly grandmother to her second grandchild.  She is a wild woman and a bundle of fun.  She used to party hearty until diabetes caught up to her.  She has the vocabulary of a sailor and if it is inappropriate she will either say it or do it.  I just love her to bits.

Nonsense is genetic.  Her father once surreptitiously slipped a shovel under a colleague taking his morning constitutional in high grass and removed the object of his efforts.  The poor victim spent the rest of the day worried about what had happened and stripped down looking for it.

Her grandson, at age two, took the nuts off the wheels on his great grandmother's wheelchair.  When it collapsed under her, he said "Get up, Babushka".

Gertrude was married once for five years.  Her husband beat her up once.  The second time he tried it, Gertrude's mother and aunt happened by just before she had the man choked to death, saving her from prison.

Back in the fall of 2006, before Tanya and I were married, we were in the clothing market in Dnepropetrovsk looking for a shirt for me.  The lady asked Tanya if I were her husband.  Tanya said, "No, he is my next husband".

Gertrude is now known by all as my "Next Wife".  I can only hope Tanya lives forever.

*The name is changed to protect the guilty


  1. I think Gertrude and I were sisters in another life.

  2. Gertrude sounds like a kindred spirit - for your sake I hope Tanya lives forever, too. ;-)

  3. Fun people break the boredom.
    the Ol'Buzzard

  4. I am afraid if we were married I would end up like Sam Elliot in Sibling Rivalry. Smiling but dead.


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