Back from a 10 day trip to northeastern Ukraine, about 30 km from Belorussian and Russian borders. Now trying to catch up on reports and such. A friend sent me these via email so I thought they were worth passing on.
- Jean Kerr... The only reason they say " Women and children first" is to test the strength of the lifeboats.
- Prince Philip... When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.
- Emo Philips... A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.
- Harrison Ford... Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself.
- Spike Milligan... The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree.
- Jean Rostand... Kill one man and you're a murderer, kill a million and you're a conqueror.
- Arnold Schwarzenegger... Having more money doesn't make you happier. I have 50 million dollars , but I was just as happy when I had 48 million.
- WH Auden... We are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I have no idea.
- Johnny Carson... If life were fair, Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead.
- Warren Tantum... I don't believe in astrology. I am a Sagittarius and we're very skeptical.
- Steve Martin... Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap.
- Jimmy Durante... Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is.
- Doug Hanwell... America is so advanced that even the chairs are electric.
- George Roberts... The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone.
- Jonathan Winters... If God had intended us to fly , he would have made it easier to get to the airport.
- Robert Benchley... I have kleptomania and when it gets bad, I take something for it.
- John Glenn... As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind: every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.
- David Letterman... America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.
- Howard Hughes... I'm not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. Dammit, I'm a billionaire.
- Old Italian proverb... After the game, the King and the pawn go into the same box.
loved this..
ReplyDeleteGood. Feel free to steal.
Deletehehehe loved all these quotes, especially the one about the first pice of luggage. Just once in my life, and it will never happen again, when returning to Toronto from St Johns, my piece of luggage was the FIRST onto the carousel...... really! Scouts honour!
ReplyDeleteWere you one of the last to check in? Sometimes that helps. Sort of last on first off. But your luggage first is rarer than a 29 hand in cribbage.
DeleteGood ones - thanks for the chuckles! Reminds of another quote: "The first person to realize the light is green is always the guy behind you." I don't know who said it, but I hope I don't end up in traffic behind him/her. ;-)
ReplyDeleteIsn't that the truth. Wonder why that is?
DeleteIn Saskatchewan you can turn right on a red light unless there is a sign saying you can't. I have been severely honked at for not turning when the guy behind me didn't see the sign. I have also got a ticket for turning right with a cop behind me. Funny how you can live in a place for 20 years and not see the sign. After that, I saw it.