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| Sketch by Debra She Who Seeks |
“Some days, I think I am one. I am usually kept in the dark
and fed horse manure”.
“We have a problem. A man died from eating poison mushrooms
his wife made him, but we don’t know if it was accidental or not”.
“I had a case where a woman lost two husbands to poison
mushrooms, and a third one by drowning. I asked how come he drowned, and she
replied he wouldn’t eat his mushrooms. Can you imagine the first people to eat
mushrooms? This one tastes like beef; this one killed Gary, and this one made
me see angels for a week”.
“His wife is from Moscow. They go crazy in mushroom season
and every year a dozen people get lost in the forest picking mushrooms. They
pick and dry mushrooms by the kilogram”.
“Maybe an accident, maybe not. Did he have life insurance?”
“He took out a large policy a couple years ago naming his
wife as beneficiary”.
“Not too bright. Mine is in my oldest’ name. She used to
work with street gangs. Maybe I should worry too?”
“We seized her supply of dried mushrooms. Different kinds in
different bags. She said her husband picked the bag that killed him. It was likely on
top of the pile. Deliberately or coincidentally, we don’t know. She is pleading
ignorance that they were poisonous.”
“Not bloody likely. Muscovites know their ‘shrooms. I only
know meadow mushrooms in the wild and they are the same as the ones in the shops.”
“Me, too. As a kid on my grandmother’s farm, after a spring
rain, I would only pick the meadow mushrooms. White tops, flesh coloured
underneath”.
"You could never get this to stand up in court since she said he picked the bag of mushrooms and you have her word she did not know they were poisonous. You either have an unfortunate accident or the perfect murder."
