Saturday, April 18, 2015

Man . . . seeks Woman

So how did you meet your spouse?  If the answer is at a family reunion, I probably don't want to know the details...or maybe I do, if she/he was married to your cousin at the time.

Finding a mate for those of us whose parents do not do the arranging can be a bit of a problem.  At the age of 18 to 25, finding that "one person" who is supposed to be perfect for you for the next 65 years is at best a crap shoot.

How do you meet a suitable population of people from whom you can select, or be selected by, one that gives you the best odds of making something work over time.

Church or church organizations have always been a good place if one is religiously inclined.  Having a common set of beliefs is a good foundation for a marriage, though there still can be religious differences i.e. he thinks he is God and she doesn't.

In my grandfather's and father's time, community dances were a common meeting place for young people, at least in rural Saskatchewan.  With my generation, "We met at the bar" was a frequent response.  (Saskatchewan took a while to allow women in the bars).

Now, according to surveys, on-line is the most common way of meeting someone .  No kidding.  If they can auction cattle by satellite and internet, why not people?  Of course there are some dangers.  What you see is not always what you get,  though there are telltale signs.  Andy Borowitz says it should set off alarm bells if she invites you to dinner and asks you to bring duct tape, large industrial garbage bags, a shovel and a chainsaw.

An acquaintance of mine has her profile on dating sites at all times.  Her luck isn't that good, having attracted a couple married guys and a stalker from whom she had to get police protection.  On the other hand, I read her profile and the words neurotic nutbar were not mentioned once.

So when my friend, we'll call him Ivan to protect the guilty, decided after 11 years of widowerhood, during which time he raised two teenage daughters to adult hood and married one of them off, that in his upcoming retirement, he should seek female companionship, where else would he turn but to a seniors' internet dating site.

Ivan writes a general letter (email) about once a year which normally makes me laugh till the tears run (down my leg) and this year was a classic.  Here is his letter and his ad (reprinted with permission):

Concerned that life might be forlorn without the social fabric offered by seasoned Delbertian professionals, I am seeking solace at a seniors dating site and guidance from  Watson, pretender to HAL, for my retirement:

In search of a woman who understands me:

As stable as gyp rock, with the resiliency of quality underlay, and the durability of a matt finish (contemporary palette), this flaneur extols the practicality of sensible shoes. Now in the 10th anniversary of his 50th year, he enjoys the crooning of Glenn Gould (with piano accompaniment), theatre or verse in iambic pentameter, and the company of the distaff population. With a sophistication rivaled only by the Canterbury Tales, he can be found with his peers developing talking points in preparation for a fleeting moment of Andy Warhol fame.  To be soon retired, he has enrolled, once again, in the cavern of deep thought to encounter the world on a new level. Apprehensions, concerns, and suspicions of subscribers to this fine resource of eligible seniors may be resolved at arm's length or in person.

Possibilities:
Dear "It's all about me"
I, too, am younger than I appear and am none the worse for wear. With a long career at StatsCan behind her, this graduate of the dismal science, also, has a penchant for some different. A flower child of means, yet average in all respects, begins classes in September. What are you taking?
             Sincerely,
             Attractive at any age


A glossary for those who ain't me
1. Watson - IBM's premier AI computer is the reigning and undisputed World Champion of Jeopardy (Jan 2011) and owes its success to the cognitive technology and analytical processing which supports its extraordinary capacity to comprehend and communicate with natural language.
2. HAL - HAL 9000, a computer in the movie, 2001 - A Space Odyssey (still advanced by today's standards) 
3. flaneur - an idler, lounger, or loafer; in literature: a casual witness to life whose thoughts and conclusions may contain truths and/or inaccuracies.
4. Glenn Gould - World recognized Canadian concert pianist (deceased) who gave up public performances in favour of studio recordings, in the belief that he would have greater artistic control and to ensure that the sound would be as close to perfection as possible. However, no matter what the sound engineers did, they could not get rid of his humming, moaning, and singing that is present in all of Gould's studio recordings.
5. theatre or verse in iambic pentameter - Shakespearian stuff 
6. distaff - a staff for holding the flax, tow, or wool in spinning; symbolic of women's work, and then by extension, women.
7. Canterbury Tales - stories by commoners for commoners; stories that stoop to entertain.
8. Andy Warhol -  said "in the future everyone will be famous for fifteen minutes"
9. dismal science - economics




4 comments:

  1. What a great profile! And I liked Shoe comic, too - I didn't realize it was still being written. Today's comic actually fits right in with your theme: http://www.shoecomics.com/

    I met my first husband in university and my current husband was a friend of a friend, but studies show the most significant determinant in selecting a spouse is simple proximity. If they're around all the time, you eventually end up marrying them. Just goes to show you should choose your friends carefully...

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    1. Thanks for the link to Shoe. And as they say, familiarity breeds contempt . . . also children

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  2. I have the right one and I know it - why she ever considered me is a mystery.
    the Ol'Buzzard

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    1. That makes me so happy. May you celebrate 70 years together and die 2 minutes apart

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