How cold is it?

 It is -28C today with windchill -42C. How cold is that you ask?

• Colder than a mother-in-law’s kiss

• Colder than a bankers heart

• Cold enough to freeze the nuts on a combine harvester
• So cold I saw two rabbits with booster cables trying to jump start a coyote
• The rock rattling around in your shoe is your toe.
• Richard Simmons wearing shorts that come nearly to the half-thigh region.
• Lawyers have their hands in their own pockets.
• You have to break the smoke off your chimney
• You have to open the fridge to heat the house
• Your false teeth chatter, and they are still in the glass
• Police tell a robber to freeze, and he does
• Our words froze in midair and we had to put them in a frying pan to thaw them so we hear what we were talking about.
• People look forward to getting a fever
• Mailmen watch out for both dogs and polar bears
• I'm shivering like a mobster in a tax office.
• We had to chisel the dog off a lamp-post
• Refrigerators are redundant
• Pet stores sell hamsters, gerbils and penguins
• Lady Liberty put her torch inside her dress!
• Prisoners are begging for the electric chair.
• Roosters are rushing into KFC and begging to use the pressure cooker!
• A streaker froze in mid-streak! Cops hung a plaque around his neck...so we have to pretend he's a statue until Spring.
• I chipped my tooth on my soup.
• Dunkin' Donuts is serving coffee on a stick.
• We pulled everything out of the freezer and huddled inside to keep warm.
• I saw an Amish guy buying an electric blanket.
• I actually saw a gangsta pull his pants up.
• I'm drinking hot sauce instead of coffee.
• Ice cubes are coming out of my faucet.
• Trees are chopping themselves into firewood.
• Cops are tazing themselves.
• I farted snowflakes
• Even Elsa is bothered by it
• I'm thankful for hot flashes
• Donald Trump's hair freezes in place.
• Miley Cyrus had to put her clothes back on.
• I saw a greyhound bus and the dog was riding on the inside.
• The ice cubes in my drink have goose bumps.