Secret to Success:

This equation should be taught in all math classes!

From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E. F. G. H I. J. K. L M. N. O. P. Q. R. S. T. U. V. W. X. Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
and
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

But,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Knowledge and Hardwork will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bullshit and Asskissing that will put you over the top !!!

Spaghetti for supper

Tanya and Andrei went to Dnipro today.  It was about -1 and snowing.  The roads were terribly slippery so I was glad it was Andrei who took her.  They decided it was not worth the risk of coming home tonight.  Wise move.

So I made spaghetti for supper.  Tanya cannot eat food cooked with tomato sauce as it gives her heartburn (even without all the stuff I like to throw in) so I took advantage of the situation. 

She will stay with our friend Alexandr who was our neighbour for a while when we lived in Dnipro in 2007.  Alexandr is another victim of the old system.  She worked as a computer programmer in the Soviet space program (NASA equivalent) which was HQ'd in Dnipro.  the rocket factory is still there and active.  Radiation from the computer screen destroyed much of her thyroid function and eventually led to her blindness.  She is not even 60 and looks 80.  Tanya keeps tabs on her and looks in on her every so often to see how she is. Alexandr knows that she can call Tanya in an emergency.

I hope the snow stops and the plows and sanding trucks are out tomorrow.  If not I will make spaghetti again.

Lena's Mom

Lena's Mom came home today.  She managed not too bad for only one leg*.  She did the transfer from wheel chair to car like a pro but had real trouble with the walk, stairs and narrow door at the apartment.  Basically, she clung to Lena and Roman on each side of her and hopped.  She was dead tired by the time she got to her room, though she didn't lie down but sat up for a bit at least. 

I stopped at the florists and bought her a big bouquet of flowers to celebrate. 

We need to get her wheelchair now from the agency that supplies them.  Come warm weather she will get out more and get used to using her crutches. Before long I hope she is truly mobile again.




*"Dr, what is the quickest way to lose 30 lbs of ugly fat?"  "Cut off your head."

Now BLUE aint the word for the way that I feel*

When Webb Pierce recorded those words over 50 years ago, Yulia Timoshenko wasn't even born but I am sure it is her theme song tonight.  Victor Yanukovich is the new president of Ukraine by a margin of about 3% in what was said to be clean and well run balloting.  There may be some recounts but Yulia does not have a hope of getting it annulled  on the basis of fraud.

She will likely be able to maintain enough support in the Verkovna Rada to stay on as Prime Minister but one hopes the two will do more useful work and much less squabbling than she and Yushchenko this past five years.  The problem is the Ukrainian constitution is somewhat like the French constitution, with powers divided between both president and prime minister.  When they are on opposite sides of the fence it is tough enough in a mature democracy like France, but here in Ukraine, it is a nightmare.

Turnout was 69% or 25 million voters.  One million voted "against both parties".  I love that clause and think more countries should adpot it on their ballots.



* Crazy Arms by R.Mooney and C.Seals

Neither Orange or Blue, Just Plain White

By Tuesday, temperatures of +3 had melted most of the snow and left the streets a rutty mess. Wednesday it dropped to -3 and stormed all day, dumping at least 30 cm of snow.  We were supposed to go to Dnipro for a meeting but at 7:00 am got stuck in the driveway so declined the honour. 

 No snow on Tuesday night and by Thursday it was deep everywhere

Andrei wanted to borrow the car, later that day.  We told him sure; bring your own shovel.  It stopped snowing at dusk and the village hired an industrial loader from the farm across the way to clear the main roads so people could go to work the next day.  Zhenia persuaded him to take a side trip past our two houses, which he reluctantly did.

The loader went as far as our drive and didn't clear the rest of the street so of course, someone thought it was open, got to our place and then got stuck.

The next day at noon, I shoveled the car out onto the single track road and we drove to town.  It was an emergency - Tanya HAD to pay for her flower, bulb, shrub and tree order.  There was a single track set of ruts, all the way to town and the car dragged the entire trip.  With ice under the snow, if I had stopped it could have been final. Andrei drove us back - it always seems easier when he does it - and then took the car to Krivii Rih.  By this time it was snowing heavy again so he stayed the night and most of the next day until the road was open.

It was dark when he brought the car back last night.  Kuchma Kot, who hadn't been home for a day or so, must have heard him coming as he appeared out of the darkness about four blocks from home and raced  for home ahead of the car.  He would NOT get off the road and let Andrei by.  I wish I had the video Andrei took on his mobile phone of that cat in the headlights running for his life.

The pile of snow was as far as the road was opened by the loader.  You can see where the dogs headed out to play and changed their minds in the deep snow. It didn't take me long to shovel the ridge from our drive, surprisingly enough.

Today was sunny and only -5.  The snowplow had gone by early in the morning, a single pass, so I shoveled the ridge away from the drive way while the hounds enjoyed racing about on the cleared track, running back to see if I needed them for anything.

The dogs love the snow and raced around the entire time I was outside.  Trying to get them still enough for a photo was tricky but they finally posed.

Zhenia's garage is at the back of his lot and he had a lot of shoveling to do.  He got half way and took a break.  I'd have stayed home until spring. Next winter we will get a snow blower if this keeps up.

Doctor's notes

Doctor's notes
These are doctors' notes on patients' charts: (Actual notes - unedited!)

1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
2. On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely.
3. She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
4. The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993.
5. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
6. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
8. The patient refused an autopsy.
9. The patient has no past history of suicides.
10. Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
11. Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
13. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
14. Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up.
15. She is numb from her toes down.
16. While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
17. The skin was moist and dry.
18. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
19. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
20. Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid. (ouch!)
21. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her adult life, until she got a divorce.
22. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
23. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
24. Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
25. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
26. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.
27. Skin: Somewhat pale but present.
28. The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor.
29. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
30. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
31. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

My friend Robert on Vancouver Island sent me these.  They were forwarded to him while he was on his way to a DR appointment.  Confidence building, aren't they?

25 Ways You Know You Have Been In Ukraine Too Long

1. You answer the phone with a deadpan “allo-a.”

2. When crossing the street, you sprint.

3. In winter, you choose your route by scanning for icicles.

4. You look at people’s shoes to determine where they are from.

5. Your day seems brighter after seeing some goon’s Mercedes broadsided by a pensioner’s “Moskvich”.

6. You are thrown off guard when the doorman at the nightclub is happy to see you.

7. Seeing a car cruise by on the sidewalk is no big deal.

8. Your not sure what to do you when the DAI only asks you to pay the official fine.

9. You give a 10% tip only if the waiter has been really exceptional.

10. You plan your vacation around those times of the year when the hot water is turned off.

11. You develop a liking for beets.

12. You know more than 20 women named Olga

13. You change into tapichki and wash your hands as soon as you walk into your apartment.

14. You start thinking of black bread as a good chaser for vodka.

15. You have to identify all the Tanya’s and Vladimir’s in your mobile phone by: Tanya, wife; Tanya daughter in law, Tanya neighbour, Tanya “Small”…

16. You wear a wool hat in the banya.

17. You are rude to people at the airport for no reason.

18. ‘Remont,’ ‘piva’ and ‘khorosho’ become integral parts of your vocabulary.

19. You are curious as to when they might start exporting Obalon beer to your home country.

20. Cigarette smoke becomes ‘tolerable’.

21. You don’t even notice padded doors anymore.

22. You never smile in public when you’re alone.

23. When you know the Kyiv Metro better than the transit system back home.

24. You catch yourself whistling indoors and feel guilty.

25. The elevator aroma seems reassuring somehow.

With thanks to my friend and colleague Angela Wojcichowsky of STEP.

By the way, Ukrainians do NOT think this is funny.