Tuesday, May 4, 2010

The Old Man's Alphabet


A is for apple, and B is for boat,
That used to be right, but now it won't float!
Age before beauty is what we once said,
But let's be a bit more realistic instead.

 
A 's for arthritis;
B 's the bad back,
C 's the chest pains, perhaps car-di-ac?
D is for dental decay and decline,
E is for eyesight, can't read that top line!
F is for fissures and fluid retention,
G is for gas which I'd rather not mention.
H is high blood pressure--I'd rather it low;
I for incisions with scars you can show..
J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend,
K is for knees that crack when they bend.
L 's for libido, what happened to sex?
M is for memory, I forget what comes next.
N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;
O is for osteo, bones that don't grow!
P for prescriptions, I have quite a few,
just give me a pill and I'll be good as new!
Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?
R is for reflux, one meal turns to two.
S is for sleepless nights, counting my fears,
T 's for Tinnitus; bells in my ears!
U is for urinary; troubles with flow;
V for vertigo, that's 'dizzy,' you know.
W for worry, now what's going 'round?
X is for X ray, and what might be found.
Y for another year I'm left here behind,
Z is for zest I still have-- in my mind!

 

I've survived all the symptoms, my body's deployed,
and I'm keeping twenty-six doctors fully employed!

8 comments:

  1. Keeping 26 doctors employed is an expensive proposition. Or have you been propositioning some of them (the female ones)?

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  2. Well, when "O" didn't stand for orgasm, I sorta lost hope that "S" would stand for sex, but I still hoped it would. The question then becomes whether it is too much to hope for some kind of life beyond doctor's appointments. Some weeks, I don't know.

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  3. That's an "L" of a comment.

    I stand by my statement, er, question.

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  4. I asked my Dr about Viagra and he said there was no point putting a new flag pole on a condemned building.

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  5. a condomed building?

    Viagra has been responsible for deaths in the US. -insert witty comment-

    unfortunately, viagra doesn't bring back libido, it only brings up muscle tissue. try Maca, or cinnamon buns. (now that i'm not working at a health food store, i need to tell someone what to take)

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  6. A condomed building?

    How suitable for the Blog Fodder!

    ReplyDelete
  7. PN - all this knowledge of Libido, is that why your husband refers to you as PN-o?
    Cinnamon buns? Now I could get passionately excited about cinnamon buns.
    I can buy cinnamon here in sticks but can't find it in a powder form. How does one convert it? Once the girls get here we'll at least have brown sugar again.

    ReplyDelete