Tuesday, May 4, 2010

The Old Man's Alphabet

A is for apple, and B is for boat,
That used to be right, but now it won't float!
Age before beauty is what we once said,
But let's be a bit more realistic instead.

A 's for arthritis;
B 's the bad back,
C 's the chest pains, perhaps car-di-ac?
D is for dental decay and decline,
E is for eyesight, can't read that top line!
F is for fissures and fluid retention,
G is for gas which I'd rather not mention.
H is high blood pressure--I'd rather it low;
I for incisions with scars you can show..
J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend,
K is for knees that crack when they bend.
L 's for libido, what happened to sex?
M is for memory, I forget what comes next.
N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;
O is for osteo, bones that don't grow!
P for prescriptions, I have quite a few,
just give me a pill and I'll be good as new!
Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?
R is for reflux, one meal turns to two.
S is for sleepless nights, counting my fears,
T 's for Tinnitus; bells in my ears!
U is for urinary; troubles with flow;
V for vertigo, that's 'dizzy,' you know.
W for worry, now what's going 'round?
X is for X ray, and what might be found.
Y for another year I'm left here behind,
Z is for zest I still have-- in my mind!


I've survived all the symptoms, my body's deployed,
and I'm keeping twenty-six doctors fully employed!


  1. Keeping 26 doctors employed is an expensive proposition. Or have you been propositioning some of them (the female ones)?

  2. Well, when "O" didn't stand for orgasm, I sorta lost hope that "S" would stand for sex, but I still hoped it would. The question then becomes whether it is too much to hope for some kind of life beyond doctor's appointments. Some weeks, I don't know.

  3. That's an "L" of a comment.

    I stand by my statement, er, question.

  4. I asked my Dr about Viagra and he said there was no point putting a new flag pole on a condemned building.

  5. a condomed building?

    Viagra has been responsible for deaths in the US. -insert witty comment-

    unfortunately, viagra doesn't bring back libido, it only brings up muscle tissue. try Maca, or cinnamon buns. (now that i'm not working at a health food store, i need to tell someone what to take)

  6. A condomed building?

    How suitable for the Blog Fodder!

  7. PN - all this knowledge of Libido, is that why your husband refers to you as PN-o?
    Cinnamon buns? Now I could get passionately excited about cinnamon buns.
    I can buy cinnamon here in sticks but can't find it in a powder form. How does one convert it? Once the girls get here we'll at least have brown sugar again.