Day 1, right after lunch, we had our first appointment with the Spa Doctor. People come here for the good of their health and they get a thorough physical exam, with lab work as part of the package. Yuri Grigorovich is reputed to be the best urologist in Ukraine, (Hmmm…Yuri the Urologist met a gynecologist…has potential, need to work on it.)
This man is a drawing card for the spa and a God-send for 60 year old males with the usual 60 year old male plumbing problems. He asked all the right questions and then sent me for an ultra-sound (non-intrusive) which was totally modern and run by a retired doctor who also knew his stuff.
Yuri Grigorovich assigned us our daily intake of Truskavets water (more on that later), gave us five jars for urine samples at various times and told us to come back the next day when the analysis would be available. He also assigned our procedures (more on that later).
The sample jars reminded me of a sight gag on a Russian comedy show - a hapless football team with an incompetent but tyrannical coach. This skit had the players bringing urine samples for drug testing. The team files by the table and each drops off little jars of various sizes and shapes as expected except in the middle of it all one player sets down a three-litre jar full.
So the next day we are back in the doctor’s office. I sit. Yuri Grigorovich asks questions in Russian, Tanya answers. She knows me better than I do anyhow and we had been through all this a while back with our local doctor. Once in a while she would include me in the conversation or I would recognize a few words and ask what it was about.
Yuri Grigorovich (in Russian): I need a semen sample, a urine sample and a stool sample.
Al: What did he say?
Tanya: He said give him your underwear.