Friday, October 3, 2008

A Day in the Life of Ivan Awfulich

Hey Mabel, Grease the Cat
Last night Kuchma meowed to go out and when I opened the door, went out. Without grabbing a few mouthfuls of food as he ususally does. His dish is by the door. This morning I found out why. There was this 2.5 cm wide x 1 cm deep groove routered 3/4 the length of a 400 gm pat of butter. If I could have found him, I would have drop kicked him down the stairs to the basement but we don't have a basement. He didn't show up till noon which saved his life.

Got 'im!
Our gas range is lit by an electric spark triggered by pushing down on the control knob as you turn on the burner. Anyone can do plumbing and there are no inspections. Electrician is a recognized trade and they inspect the fuse box (what can burn down in a concrete house?). But gas is taken seriously. Houses and apartment blocks can and do blow up with occasional concurrent loss of life and limb.

So this nice yong man comes to check the burner pressure on our gas range. He takes off the top of the burner and holds his testing gizmo over the little pipe. Then he tells Tanya who is busy doing something to turn on the gas. Yes, she "accidentally" pushed down the control knob as she turned it on and zapped him with 50,000 volts.

The white knee-high boots on the lanky brunette were obviously inspired by Western or cowboy boots. Except maybe the 10 cm spike heels. I commented. Mistake.
"You love beautiful women!"
"I looked at the boots."
"You love beautiful women!"
"Yes, I love beautiful women. And you love beautiful men." (same word in Russian apparently for both).
"I love clever men."
"Poor you. You got a husband who is neither beautiful nor clever."
"To me you are beautiful and clever......sometimes."

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