Gift Suggestions for those who have everything

Chartreuse says she has a family that is hard to buy Christmas gifts for because they have everything.  Here are some suggestions:

For the man who has everything - Penicillin
For the family who has everything - Help with the payments

If the family has small children - tools, drums or bagpipes are popular.  Or see ideas below.

Donations to charities are becoming quite common.

If the family is Republican - A donation in their name to the NAACP
If the family is Democrat - A donation in their name to the Westboro Baptist Church
If the family is Conservative - A donation in their name to Greenpeace
If the family is New Democrat - A donation in their name to the Canadian Nuclear Association

Speaking of donations to charities, long ago I made a list of excuses to replace the "I gave at the office" which is old, lame and no one believes anyway. The only one I can remember is this one: Alzheimer's Association - I forgot.

If any of my readers have other suggestions for other associations, I'd be pleased to hear from you.

Care Packages

Tanya mailed New Year's gifts to Siberia yesterday.  Gifts for her sister, Luda, her niece and nephew, Ksenia and Slavik, her grand niece Uliana and even something for her cousin's 3 year old grandson, little Tolik.  I wanted to send Tolik a set of wrenches and screwdrivers which for him would be an even better gift than drums or bagpipes but Tanya thought not as I would never be able to go there again.  (At age two, Tolik loosened the wheels on his great grandmother's wheelchair so they fell off and dumped her..."Get up, Babushka...")

Tanya took three bags of stuff to the Post Office.  All unwrapped, as the Post Office has to inspect and approve anything that it ships in country or internationally.  They provide the packaging as part of the cost of shipping.  About $50 worth of gifts and $30 worth of postage but it was ever thus.

One year I mailed $10 worth of Turkish tea (1 kg net) to a friend on Vancouver Island.  The packaging the tea was in put me 50 grams over the 1 kg limit and it cost me $25.  If I had known I would have grabbed 100 grams of tea for my own use.  Too soon oldt und too late schmardt.

We got our own care package from Canada last night.  Meest (bridge) Corporation Inc is an awesome package delivery service from USA and Canada to the FSU.  It was started as a way for people in NA to ship care packages to relatives in Ukraine and grew from there. (That link doesn't seem to want to work in English language but Meest America Inc is in English).

There is a lady in Regina who collects boxes for Ukraine.  I am sure there would be a contact person in every community of any size with a Ukrainian diaspora. The boxes are trucked to Montreal (I think) where they are loaded in a container and shipped to Ukraine.  It takes six to eight weeks. We have made use of this many times in the past 6 years. Cost is about $2.75 per kg plus insurance and delivery.  Max weight is 30 kg and runs about $125 delivered to our door in Mar'yaniv'ka.

Tanya has gone to Krivii Rih today with Andrei and Tania so I am making chili for myself for lunch.  It is not exactly Screaming Sphincter Chili but it is hotter than she likes it and tomato sauce disagrees with her.

To heir is human; to sleep, divan

Masha is here for the night, so I guess I get the couch again.  I picked her up after her English class.  She was all packed and ready, loaded with hobby stuff.  Two classes in greeting card making turned her into a pretty good little crafty-type.  I've seen some of her cards and they are quite good for a nine year old.

Babushka has caught the bug, being quite artsy in her own right.  We are going to Dnipro next week so she can go to a big craft store there and buy "stuff".  She has been twice to a small shop here in town so the two of them are now scattered knee-deep across the living room.  We had been running short of little pieces of paper but I think we will be OK now.

We'd been in town earlier in the day for groceries.  We got about three blocks from home when Tanya realized she had forgotten her wallet.  She has a lot of things to remember to keep us organized so her wallet or mobile phone or list often get missed.  I just have to remember where I left the car last.  As to the essentials, I simply cross myself (spectacles, testicles, wallet and watch) and away we go.

Velika Kshenia (Big Spoon in Ukrainian) has their Christmas  New Year's stuff out. This year we are going to look for outdoor lights.  Maybe when we are in Dnipro. We have not seen them in previous years.

There are a couple of light arrangements I would like to try but am not sure they would be appreciated.

The End of Holiday Season

Today is old calendar New Years Day in Russia, Ukraine and other parts of Eastern Europe which used the old calendar up to the Revolution. Last night the kids all came for supper - one last holiday feast.  Roast goose, roast pork, liver cutleta, cabbage rolls, mashed potatoes, three kinds of pickles, lots of fresh veggies filled the table to overflowing.

Goose meat is very dark but tastes wonderful. Lots of fat melts down into the bottom of the roasting pan which the dogs will enjoy today. We bought the village raised goose in the market.  When we went visiting on January 2, the village streets were filled with chickens, turkeys, geese and ducks all out enjoying the mild winter.  I saw at least two breeds of everything.  Chickens that looked like the Rhode Island Reds of my youth and Bronze turkeys which I didn't know they even made anymore. 

Today, Tanya took down all the Christmas decorations. Kuchma was busy casing the attic while Tanya stows everything.   She put them up while I was in Canada so they have been up for over a month.  Last night she went around taking pictures of the decorations and of all of us in various states of recovery from supper. That is what I get for putting fresh batteries in her camera.

We didn't wrap any gifts this year.  Bagged them all (thanks, MayB)

Ewwww.  They're kissing.

"С Рождеством Христовым!"

For all my friends who are celebrating Orthodox Christmas, I wish you Merry Christmas. 

The family were here for supper tonight.  I am sure we had 12 different dishes but not all meatless and there was no buckwheat and honey in sight either.

I would like to go to the midnight service but it starts at midnight.  So we have been watching the evening service from the Cathedral in Moscow and listening to the Patriarch's Christmas Message.  Moscow is two hours ahead of us.

З Різдвом Христовим/С Рождеством Христовым!

“Thanks cops: For nothing"

This was sent to me by my friend Insubordinate.  It is all over the internet and certainly worth repeating in this Holiday Season.

The Editor, 

This letter is directed to all the RCMP members in Richmond: Thanks for nothing! 

Thanks for all the times I returned to my home to find it just as I  had left it: Nothing happened.

Thanks for all the evening walks that my wife and I enjoyed in the park, nobody bothered us: Nothing happened.

Thanks for all the times that I and my family members returned from a drive safely because we were not involved in a crash: Nothing happened.

It has been a tough year for our RCMP members; they have had to endure a great deal of bad press. Some members have made mistakes and been taken to task, there have also been mistakes made by the RCMP administration at a level well above the local detachment.

I guess the RCMP hire from the same human race as the rest of us. It is easy for the media to find the one bad apple and spread that across the news. But what of the others?

The hundreds of Mounties here in Richmond driving around, doing their jobs protecting you and me.

This year, while I open presents with my family, a Mountie will have to call his family on the phone. They may be as far away as Newfoundland, but that will be his or her Christmas.

This year, while I overindulge in a turkey dinner, a Mountie will be grabbing a Double Double and trying to warm up after standing in the rain for hours to keep drunks off the road, so that we will be safe.

This year, while I am reminiscing with my family about Christmases past, our Mounties will be trying to calm a domestic dispute where both parties are a bit too drunk. They will swear at our Mountie and name call; they may even spit and hit. What a Christmas to remember!

While we watch our favourite Christmas tale on our big screen TV, our Mounties will be notifying people of the loss of a loved one, crawling around on a wet road investigating a fatal crash and a huge  number of other tasks that we would not do in a nightmare.

One more thing: After all the gifts and the food and the friends and the holiday fun is done, I know that I will have the pleasure of tucking my daughter into her bed.

Our Mounties do not know if they will be coming home to their family, too many do not. 

This Christmas, I have a lot to be thankful for and I will likely be well remembered by Santa.

Richmond Mounties remember this: The gift for which I will be most grateful is: Nothing. Thanks again for that! “.

Dave Cooks the Turkey*

Western Christian Christmas dinner at the Hingston's in Ukraine tried relatively successfully to mix two culinary cultures.  Roast goose, mashed potatoes and gravy, Salad Olivia, smoked salmon, red caviar on small slices of bread, fried fish, five kinds cold cuts, fresh veggies and I forget what all else.  Enough food for 20 in anticipation of 10.  Consumption parted the clans, with the Ukrainian side not touching the potatoes and gravy while Lyn and I had double helpings but avoided all things fishy.

Andrei was not feeling well so bowed out but about 7:00 pm, our friend Small Tanya from Dnipropetrovsk showed up at the door.  She had been promising to visit for two years now and finally made the trip.  She and Tanya stayed up until 2:00 am talking after everyone else went home.

Lynmara, Roman and Lena hit it off instantly, as I was pretty sure they would.  Lyn wants to go shopping with Lena, as they have similar tastes in clothes and similar budgets, (read NIL).

We did a video call to the kids in Canada by Skype.  It was great to see them.  Grandma who will be 91 a few days into the new year is quite puzzled by the wonders of modern technology but did say hello and listened while the rest of us talked.  (NOTE: Other families we video chatted with this holiday season showed off their new babies.  Mine show off their dogs. HINT).

*Some families have Christmas movies that are a tradition.  White Christmas, Emmit Otter's Jugband Christmas, a Christmas Carol (the old one), Elf, Miracle on 34th Street and many others.  However for CBC Radio fans like me, Stuart McLean's Vinyl Cafe Christmas stories of Dave and Morley are also part of Christmas.  You can listen to the perennial favourite "Dave Cooks the Turkey" here.

Our Family's Favourite Christmas Song

Cell-Phone Christmas

In 1997, the year we had a warm brown Christmas and posed on the lawn in our shirt sleeves, Ella's side of the family had Christmas in Rosetown at the home of Ella's brother Kirk.

Some background here.  Kirk and Ruth went from 0 to 6 kids in two years.  They adopted two older children, brother and sister, whose arrival coincided to the birth of a daughter.  Two years later they had triplet girls who were 13 by this time.  The house was full of teenagers, less than quiet and more than a little chaotic.  Like good Christmases are supposed to be.

The men were sitting around the table comparing cell phones, since we each had one and they were a relatively new toy, at least to us.  Clunkers compared to present day models but certainly smaller than the earlier "suitcase" models.  Cell phones, by the way, are the ONLY thing that one man will brag to another that his is smaller.

I went upstairs to the bathroom.  No toilet paper.  None, nada. (When will I learn to look first? When I am not in a rush. When is that likely to happen?) Obviously the spare rolls, assuming there actually were some, were in a different part of the house.  What to do?  Yelling was useless as one could not be heard over kids and TVs.  Hey, my cell phone is in my jacket pocket.

Ring, ring.
"Hello"
"Ruth, could you send someone upstairs with some toilet paper, please?"

She did, once she quit laughing.
Good invention, cell phones.

Happy Solstice Day

I like winter solstice because from now on the days get longer again.  My deeds must not be too evil as I hate the darkness.  Today is a special winter solstice coinciding with a total eclipse of the full moon for the first time since 1638.

Celebration of the Winter Solstice or the Roman "Festival of Lights" is far older than our celebration of Christmas and many of the traditions were incorporated into Our Christmas.  Actually, most of our Christmas traditions are borrowed from far older pagan celebrations.

Getafix, the Druid Priest

The Druids celebrated the Solstice and also brought us the mistletoe tradition.  Which brings to mind the famous Druid Priest Getafix.  Ah, yes, Asterix the Gaul, the world's favorite comic book character after perhaps only Mickey Mouse.  A French cartoon drawn by René Goscinny and Albert Uderzo, Asterix has been translated into more than 100 languages.

Asterix, Obelix and Dogmatix

Set in 50 BC, in a little village in northern France, Asterix, his friend Obelix, the menhir delivery man and the pooch Dogmatix help their chief Vitalstatistix defend this last bastion of Gaulish freedom against the Roman legions from military camps Laudanum and Totorum.  The Gauls depend on a magic potion brewed by Getafix while the legionnaires are urged on by Roman Senators Nefarius Purpus and Christmus Bonus

Vitalstatistix

Other Gaulish characters include the blacksmith Fulliautomatix, the fishmonger Unhygenix and his wife Bacteria, the bard Cacophonix, the Roman spy Doubbleosix and on it goes.  I can't forget the Egyptian Ptennisnet. 

Cacaphonix

When Number ONE son was about 10 years old, we would borrow Asterix comics from the library and he and I would laugh until the tears rolled down our faces.  One day some years later we found the entire collection at the library used book sale.  Joyful memories forever!!

Happy Winter Solstice Day.

Gourmet Cooking

Masha and Tanya took a taxi over to our house just after lunch and stayed much of the afternoon.  My Tanya was busy making Christmas crafts for Masha's school room from "Christmas decoration stuff" she gathered together and then took apart to make "supplies".  She found some old green garland and wrapped it around grape vine she cut earlier in the day as the base for the wreath.  

My professional grade glue gun I bought at Epicenter last year for $40 finally got a real workout. First time Tanya used a glue gun.  I think she is hooked.  When LynnieC gets here in three days to spend Christmas holidays, the two of them are going to buy good craft supplies and go crazy making more Christmas stuff. 

If LynnieC gets here.  Great Britain is snowed under as is much of Europe.  Heathrow is closed but apparently City, which Lyn will fly from, is still working.  Boryspol Airport, Kyiv is closed because of ice.  Frankfurt in the middle is not looking good either.  Even if all three are working on the same day, can they clear the backlog?  I worry.


Tanya was tired.  I said to her, "What do you want for supper?" meaning give me a hint and I will go cook it.  Next thing I know she is banging around in the kitchen.  We had a famous Russian dish, Rozhki po Flotski, for supper.  Sounds impressive until you realize it is the Russian variant of SOS.  Ground beef straight from the freezer to the frying pan along with a couple of onions.  Macaroni cooked, then mixed with the hamburger and onions.  Slathered with ketchup.  15 minutes freezer to plate. 

Oh, and Rozhki po Flotski?  Means Macaroni for the Fleet.

To Get you in the Christmas Spirit

 One of my favourite Carols, sung by the Celtic Women, live from Dublin.

 

Irreverend Christmas Lights and Cartoons

My all-time favourite cartoon.  The expressions are priceless

I would dearly love to do this one sometime.

Are there any News? Not a New.

Tanya decorated for Christmas today and the house looks quite festive.  Pictures to follow when our handy-dandy ISP works again. 

Today we are back to the old and slow one.  Groan.  Volodya, our tech who set up the new system, tried to get us running again Saturday but gave up.  He will come back tomorrow and do something. 

It is actually 0C as I write.  Maybe it will get cold tonight.  It has been so warm, a great many seeds have sprouted in the flower garden so Tanya dug up the seedlings and potted them inside for the winter.  She now has a head start on petunias and phlox for next spring.  The crocuses are even up.  Not good.

Friday I let the dogs out to run about 10:00 and they never came back as they usually do.  Bobik came limping home at 4:00, worse for the wear, bloodied from a gash on his front leg and a chewed ear. No Volk.  I went looking for him and this dog came running up to me and barked at me steady for a couple of minutes. 

Saw Volk briefly yesterday.  He had found himself a paramour.  The dog who barked at me.  Guess she was telling me to mind my own business.  Volk would come home when he was ready.  Or hungry.  He came home today.  Muddy and starved but if dogs can grin. . .  Now instead of Bobik sitting at the fence and crying to go out, they are both being mournful.

I'm trying to write an article for a Ukrainian livestock magazine and have had severe writers block.  I know what I want to say but HOW to say it in a fashion that won't get me deported or shot, yet will still have the desired impact. . . and not be 10 pages long.

Sure works for me

Tanya is in cleaning and furniture rearranging mode, getting ready to decorate for Christmas, even though it is +21C outside as I write.

Last spring, at end of season, we bought an electric fireplace for looks and as an extra heat source in the living room.  (Electric heat is cheaper than gas heat). The floor model came with no box or instructions.   It had fake flames and all and looked pretty in late evenings when we plugged it in but gave no heat.  As it was summer we didn't explore further. 

Today she moved it from under the TV to another wall, for ease of decorating and to make room for the tree to go in the window.  I decided to see why it made no heat as it had a heating element and should have a fan.  No sign of a control panel anywhere. Plug it in, "fire" works.  Unplug it, "fire" stops.  Puzzle.

When Tanya finished dusting it and was pushing it back against the wall, she kicked it, in some frustration at its unwillingness to throw heat.  A hidden door popped open and there were the controls.  I just looked at her in amazement.

She said, "Sometimes stupid works, too".

Our Second Christmas Dinner in a Fortnight

Today is Orthodox Christmas Eve. Orthodox Christmas falling on January 7th,  thirteen days after Western Christmas.  The Gregorian calendar was not adopted in Russia until the early 1900's by which time the Julian calendar was 13 days behind..

While the traditional Christmas Eve supper is supposed to be 12 meatless dishes, we were a bit unorthodox and Tanya roasted the goose we purchased sometime back and kept safely in our freezer just for tonight.  Excellent bird, I must say!

Roman and Lena were here for supper.  Roman and I had been to Dnipropetrovsk, leaving at 8:00 and returning by 3:00.  I went to get my air ticket to Kazakhstan (Tanya isn't going as she has a terrible cold) and Roman went to see his Doctor, his appointment having been rescheduled from mid-December for weather reasons.  We got home just in time as it began snowing hard and the roads were getting heavy.

So to all our Russian friends, we say "С Рождеством Христовым!" (Srozhdestvom Khristovym) and to our Ukrainian Friends “З Різдвом Христовим” (Z Rizdvom Khrystovym).

 

Happy New Year to One and All

Tanya and I wish all of you the best for 2010.  May you be safe and free from want. May your year be filled with the love and laughter of family and friends.  May you and yours enjoy health and happiness throughout the year.  May your hearts be filled with peace and and contentment.

.

"Christmas" Recipes

Yesterday we had roast turkey.  Tanya was nervous as it was her first time to cook one.  I did the honours of carving it.  It was a genuine organic farm raised free range turkey.  "Eight years old", lean, narrow and tough as shoe leather.  Should have cooked it in a slow oven.  Next time.  I even made gravy.  Very good gravy, I might add.  Which only I used.

Today was turkey soup day.  I threw the turkey bones in a stock pot, covered them with water, simmered them for three hours, picked the meat off the bones, threw the meat and the leftover gravy into the stock, added the usual salt, pepper, soy sauce, Worcestershire sauce, poultry seasoning (I have no idea what I am doing), threw in left over vegetables and coloured pasta somethings.  Decided it was too watery.  Threw in another bag of pasta somethings.  I now have pasta turkey stew; enough to feed the entire village according to Tanya.

The reason the left over gravy went in was that it is an unknown dish in this country.  Mashed potatoes with lots of butter and milk, yes, but gravy from any source is unheard of.  Tanya says it is too fatty.  This from a woman who on a good week can use a litre of cooking oil and who buys boneless, skinless chicken breasts, dips them in egg and flour and fries them in a quarter inch of sunflower oil.  I don't argue.

A favourite traditional Ukrainian/Russian dish, which I love and which everyone yesterday ate more of than turkey was liver kutletta.  This is the most delicious way to eat liver ever but preparation is NOT for the weak of stomach.

1 kg fresh (beef) liver
4 large onions
4 eggs,
1/3 cup of flour (2 heaping serving spoons)
2 dollops of sour cream or mayonnaise

Run the liver and onions through a meat grinder (a food processor would likely work), add the eggs, flour and sour cream.  Mix thoroughly, season to taste with salt and pepper.  (Note: you have NEVER seen anything as gross as this mixture unless you have lanced a large abscess on a cow).

Ladle about a quarter or half a cup at a time into a frying pan, the hotter the better, with enough oil so it won't stick.  It should make a thin "pancake".  Fry it fast and flip it so it is evenly cooked on both sides.

It is delicious, trust me on that.  Hot or even cold.

Merry Christmas, One and All

May all of you be "home" for Christmas, where ever that may be.  Enjoy the love of family and friends.  And above all travel safely if you are on the road.  

Merry Christmas from our house to yours.

Al and Tanya