Friday, March 20, 2009

New meds for women

D A M I T O L Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 hours.
St. M O M'S W O R T Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschooler unconscious for up to six hours.
E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.
P E P T O B I M B O Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.
D U M E R O L When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low I.Q. side effects include enjoyment of country western music.
F L I P I T O R Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
M E N I C I L L I N Potent probiotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be a better person ... can we get naked now?"
B U Y A G R A Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. increases potency and duration of spending spree.
B U Y E M A L Extra Strength. When combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the patient may even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book by Dr. Laura.
J A C K A S S P I R I N Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.
A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.
S E X C E D R I N More effective than Excedrin in treating the, "Not now, dear, I have a headache," syndrome.
N A G A M E T When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as nagging on him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.
W R O T R I N Makes you think you've written long, interesting e-mails to all your friends and relieves you of any guilt over the fact that you haven't.
A M B I T O L Housework, reports, essays, gardening and other unwelcome chores are done miraculously overnight while you think you are sleeping.

6 comments:

  1. I was practically falling off the chair, I was laughing so hard at all this. What a hoot! You should get some kind of award for your creativity! Really amazing!

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  2. I've got you award right here. Actually, rob bear told me to get over here and since he actually thinks he IS a bear, I figured I'd do it quickly.

    I have another antidote for all the aforementioned drugs. Its' called:
    KICKACOP. After taking it, you just pray for a clean head shot with his 9mm to get out of your misery.

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  3. Wish I could take credit for anything other than having the foresight to save them several years ago when someone sent them to me. But many thanks for thinnking I could have been bright enough to come up with them myself.

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  4. Ha ha ha!

    I think I may be on some of these actually - or need some one of the two!

    G
    xx

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  5. Don't forget:
    Blogitol: When taken enables you to see all the great post material around you. (Danger! may be hazardous to marriages and friendships if used indiscriminately)

    ReplyDelete