Friday, March 20, 2009

New meds for women

D A M I T O L Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 hours.
St. M O M'S W O R T Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschooler unconscious for up to six hours.
E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.
P E P T O B I M B O Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.
D U M E R O L When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low I.Q. side effects include enjoyment of country western music.
F L I P I T O R Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
M E N I C I L L I N Potent probiotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be a better person ... can we get naked now?"
B U Y A G R A Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. increases potency and duration of spending spree.
B U Y E M A L Extra Strength. When combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the patient may even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book by Dr. Laura.
J A C K A S S P I R I N Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.
A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.
S E X C E D R I N More effective than Excedrin in treating the, "Not now, dear, I have a headache," syndrome.
N A G A M E T When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as nagging on him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.
W R O T R I N Makes you think you've written long, interesting e-mails to all your friends and relieves you of any guilt over the fact that you haven't.
A M B I T O L Housework, reports, essays, gardening and other unwelcome chores are done miraculously overnight while you think you are sleeping.


  1. I was practically falling off the chair, I was laughing so hard at all this. What a hoot! You should get some kind of award for your creativity! Really amazing!

  2. I've got you award right here. Actually, rob bear told me to get over here and since he actually thinks he IS a bear, I figured I'd do it quickly.

    I have another antidote for all the aforementioned drugs. Its' called:
    KICKACOP. After taking it, you just pray for a clean head shot with his 9mm to get out of your misery.

  3. Wish I could take credit for anything other than having the foresight to save them several years ago when someone sent them to me. But many thanks for thinnking I could have been bright enough to come up with them myself.

  4. Ha ha ha!

    I think I may be on some of these actually - or need some one of the two!


  5. Don't forget:
    Blogitol: When taken enables you to see all the great post material around you. (Danger! may be hazardous to marriages and friendships if used indiscriminately)


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